Definition of Shame.
English Dictionary; The English man defines shame as feeling or sense of unworthiness, inadequacy, impropriety or dishonor one might have about himself following an experience.
So in shame, we find a feeling of inadequacy, unworthiness or inferiority.
Shame says; Something is wrong with me.
Shame says; I’m bad for this.
Shame says; I think I’m unworthy of this eg; love , success etc.
Shame says; I’m flawed.
Shame says; I’m less than ,, I’m inadequate.
Shame says ; I’m inferior. I’m low value.
We talk less about shame, maybe most psychological experts aren’t interested in it or they’re ashamed of shame itself.
You know people rarely talk about for instance; their shameful experiences. They also never reveal it when they feel shame. It’s easier to say ” I feel angry right now” than it’s to say “I’m shamed”
We are ashamed of our own shame let’s repeat this again.
Shame Vs Guilt
Most people confuse shame for guilt. Well the two interlude especially when an action or something considered wrong happens. The disconnect however arises based on the role of the self ie; In guilt, one points the blame to the behaviour , that is, ‘this is bad’… In shame however, it’s directed to an individual ie; I’m bad.
This means that an incident that may arouse guilt in one individual may cause shame in another depending on the lens of their evaluation.
A partner might feel shame for cheating on the other half.
A student might feel shame for failing in an exam.
An individual might feel ashamed for making an error while giving a public speech.
One might feel shame for doing something wrong eg disrespecting an elder.
All these. Experiences might similarly evoke feelings of guilt in another individual. The difference is that the later will attribute them to behaviours without identifying themselves with them.
Shame belongs to a class of emotions referred to as ‘Self conscious ‘ emotions eg; Embarrassment, envy, guilt and pride. Unlike basic emotions like anger and fear which are biologically wired in us, Self conscious emotions develop later at around age 3 after we have developed a sense of self (ego) and began to internalize rules and standards according to experts. (Gilbert, 2000).
While shame based behaviours and responses differ depending on an individual, some of the commonly agreed are the ; avoidance of eye gaze, shrinking one’s voice or a collapsed posture.
What’s Shame Complex?
Complex- is a collection of beliefs, reactions, behaviours and memories around a common theme.
Shame Complex is therefore a bundle or collections of all beliefs, reactions or memories around shame.
Well well , shame is both a feeling and a cause to feelings eg; unworthiness, inferiority etc.
Components of Shame.
One psychologist, Gilbert (2002) categorized shame into different components ie;
1. As a social or external cognitive component ie; occuring in social contexts and evoking thoughts such as “others see me this way/ as inferior or less than”
2. As an Internal Self evaluation component which contains negative self judgement and thoughts such as ‘I’m a failure/ unworthy/ ugly/ inadequate.
3. Emotional Component ie; there are emotions and feelings that are felt in associations with shame eg; self-disgust, anger, embarrassment etc.
4. Behavioural Component which involves responses associated with shame such as isolation, avoidance, desire to hide, submissive behaviours, revenge etc.
5. Physiological Component ie; shame is associated with a stress response, or that it may increase parasympathetic activity.
Types of Shame.
In psychology, according to Author Nas Montell, there are various types of shame we encounter in our day to day life. These include;
1. Exposure – Based Shame
2. Belonging – Based Shame
3. Guilt – Based Shame
4. Competence – Based Shame.
Read more ; The CBEG Model Types of Shame by Nas Montell
Causes To Shame Complex.
• Painful experiences such as Humiliation, Embarrassment, rejection, abandonment, criticism etc.
• Societal Conditioning – The society has institutionalized shame. The church may term some traits such as aggressiveness or sexual impulse as shameful. The school may condition us to believe Failure is shameful, parental critiscism might make us believe we are flawed in some way.
• Identification With External Labels, Experiences, Groups etc might make us feel shame through association eg; encountering failure and taking it as an overall character judgement. Or belonging to a losing team.