Guilty Complexes; Meaning, Cause, Effect and How to Manage.

Guilt is this uncomfortable feeling we perceive an action or inaction of ours to be wrong. Not only actions but also thoughts and even feelings.

What’s a Guilt Complex ? 

As complexes are bundles of feeling tones of ideas, Guilty complex is a bundle of all ideas (thoughts & beliefs) , feelings and behaviours tethered under the theme of Guilt.

Categories of Guilt.

1. Healthy and Unhealthy Guilt – Health guilt is the feeling that an action of ours was indeed a wrongdoing or a mistake. This might be a wrongdoing to a friend or what one says to another like hurling an insult..

. Unhealthy Guilty stems from a feeling that an action or inaction of ours was wrong when indeed the opposite was true. For instance; You found a purse on the road with money then someone comes asking if you saw it that you gave him. Few minutes however you start regretting for giving him the purse. You should have kept it or so you wish . Or sometimes you did something good to an individual and feel like you shouldn’t have done it.. let’s frame it this way – A guilt that comes from doing something good or not doing something bad like running away with someone’s purse and let her suffer.

2. Authentic Guilt vs False Guilt.

Authentic Guilt comes from perceived wrong doing. You acknowledge that your actions or inactions of yours caused harm or injury.

False Guilt however might stem from a faulty guilty system probably due to early life conditioning where you take blame for things beyond your control or aren’t even your own fault.

Kids are more prone to false Guilt for they oftenly punish themselves for their parents’ lack of maturation. They took blame for their parents neglect, critiscism or abuse. They felt guilt for being a burden or a nuisance even when the opposite was true.

3. Moderate vs Exaggerated Guilt.

Unlike moderate guilt which is actually realistic and based on actual wrong doing, Exaggerated tend to be stretched beyond the normal standards. We feel guilt more than we should for instance; When someone who’s a Hyperfectionist does something wrong and feel guilty for falling short or making mistakes which is part pf being human as human we’re prone to error. Moderate Guilt feels like feeling discomfort/bad and finding ways one can undo the mistakes or even accept the fact that it can’t be all perfect. Exaggerated Guilt however is manifested when one attaches this experience pr wrong doing to his identity. With a dichotomous thinking way he believes himself to be all flawed for this mistake.

Equally, exaggerated Guilt can be seen when one feel responsible for the unhappiness pf others even if there actions or inactions has nothing to do with the cause.

Differences between Shame and Guilt.

Though both can stem froma perceived flaw or wrongdoing, they slightly defer.

Guilt has more to do with behaviours and actions it’s a ‘This is bad’

Shame however is more identity based. It’s a ‘I Am bad for doing this’

Causes of Guilty Complexes.

There are many causes that may make one develop a Guilty complex but just to summarize a few;

1. Childhood Conditioning ( Internalized morals from parents, teachers, Religion, culture and even Peers). Beliefs we subconsciously absorbed out of our interactions with the caregivers.

2. Hyperfectionism – Being prone to high standards that makes us feel guilty for making mistakes which is normal for any human.

3. Expectations from culture, Society and others makes us feel guilty for dissapointing them.

4. Childhood Trauma where we took blame for what happened to us especially when raised with Abusive or neglectful parents – a pattern carried to adulthood.

5 Past Unresolved Mistakes.

6. Repressed Memories associated with guilt that can be triggered by any stimulus outside.

7. Cognitive Distortions eg; Flawed beliefs that we’re responsible for others feelings/happiness or a dichotomous way of thinking that make us believe something we do must either be too good/bad … Perfect/ Imperfect… Etc. Flawed beliefs such as Intrusive thoughts make the ideas come true.

8. Mental Health Conditions such as Obsessive compulsive disorder, Depression disorder and anxiety disorder.

9. Insecurities and Fears such as A fear of being judged as wrong or flawed. Fear of critscism.

10. Over empathy and Sensitivity to others pain that make us feel guilty for others pain even though we have nothing to do with it. We feel guilty for not going to help them.

11. Cognitive Dissonance. Most people believe they’re good and the thought that their actions are wrong in some way sounds appalling to them.

Effects of Guilt Complexes.

• One may take blame or responsibility for things that aren’t his fault. For instance; feeling guilty for your partners sad mood or another person miseries.

• Obsession over past mistakes that lead to Overthinking and anxious obsessive tendencies like seeking reassurance from friends and others.

• Guilty Complexes might lead to emotional distress such as Shame when we redirect the fault or blame to our identities eg; Believing you’re bad or a failure for making a mistake.

• Acting out behaviours Such as Constantly apologizing.

• Guilt makes you shy off from asking for help, taking a space or even having an opinion for fear of being a burden to others.

• We avoid taking on risks for fear of making Mistakes, judgement, critscism. We over plan …

• We are frustrated when we feel guilty for things we can’t change eg; Parent’s problems or injustice in the world.

• Guilty Complexes can make us amend where we think we did wrong and avoid in future.

Examples of Guilt Complexes;

1. John has a friend called Nickson. John is a psychology student who has knowledge about addiction handling – something his friend is dealing with. Attempts by John to help Nickson turn futile as Nickson perceive this to be a form of control and isn’t willing to change. John feels guilty for not being able to help his friend despite having Knowledge on the dangers of addiction.

2. Mary was raised in Familly environment where his Parents always brought to her their problems. She was the family therapist. She was the Parentified kid. Subconsciously she believed that it was her responsibility to keep others happy ie; she was responsible for others feelings. This Cognitive Distortion affected her to adulthood where she would feel guilty for things that are not of his own doing.

3. Caren always felt guilty for succeeding or doing better than her friends. A dig back to her childhood found a memory where she was once scolded for showing off to her friends. Inherently, she believes that her success is a burden to others. Succeeding more than others make her feel Guilty.

4. Obako was raised by Parents who were Hyperfectionist and always set high standards for their kids even at their young age. Growing in such environments Subconsciously made them internalize the belief that everything must be perfect and that mistakes were bad. They would feel guilty for making mistakes and even punish themselves for it . Despite making mistakes being part of human, they wouldn’t stand a thought of them making mistakes.

5. Sharon was one day chilling when an intrusive thought popped up in her mind about the death of her parent. She felt guilty because she felt like thinking about the thoughts would make them come true.

How to Manage Guilty Complexes.

1. Awareness – Be aware of the cause (source) , Be aware of the effect.

2. Acknowledge that it happened and can’t be undone or seek ways to ammend if possible. Accept the fact that you can’t change others when they’re not willing.

3. Reframe the Distorted beliefs about responsibilities.

4. Let go off the illusion of control – We can’t change the injustice in the world, we can’t be all Perfect without flaws,, we can’t help others when they’re not willing, we can’t control other’s perception over our own decisions.

5. Practice Self Compassion and Forgiveness. We criticize ourselves when we make mistakes and even self punish ourselves for past mistakes. Would we do that to a friend?

6. Seek professional help if possible.

While Guilt can be good for it gives us an opportunity to ammend our Wrong doings and even point to us what we value, sometimes it can be detrimental when we take blame for things that aren’t our own doings/ we aren’t Responsibile for or even obsess over things and mistakes that happened decades ago.

Reference List

American Psychological Association. (2018, April 19). Collective guilt. In APA dictionary of psychology. https://dictionary.apa.org/collective-guilt 

Hoffman, L. (2018). Existential guilt. Social issues in living color: (Vol. 1, pp. 245–266). Praeger. 

Jaspers, K. (2000). The question of German guilt. For

dham University Press. (Original work published 1947).