Help Rejecting Defense Mechanisms

“You ever been in a situation where attempts to solve another’s problem was met by sheer dismissal or anger? “

This might be help-Rejection, a defense mechanism against unconscious stressors that may be associated with seeking help.

One may seek assistance through for example; Complaining only to dismiss it or resent. Covert feelings of hostility or resentment toward others suggestions or advice follows.

Factors that Lead to Help-Rejecting Defense Mechanism. 

1. Fear of Dependency- When reliance on others was met with dissapointment or is seen as weak, then seeking help becomes traumatic.

2. Mistrust in others might also be a cause. We’re not sure if the help is genuine.

3. Early experiences for instance; If one was shamed or made to feel guilty for needing help.

4. The fear of Intimacy. If help seeking would lead one to initiate a bond or closeness.

5. A desire to maintain a sense of control. People always want to feel they’re in control on of their decisions and are autonomous.

6. Belief that help seeking is futile or might lead to dissapointment especially due to past experiences.

7. Individuals with low self esteem might feel unworthy of help pr believe their problems are unsolvable.

8. A desire to avoid cognitive dissonance. Eg; an individual with a “Iam independent ” self concept.

9. The fear of Abandonment ie; If a problem is solved, they will lose the attention and care they receive while in distress.

10. The fear of Unknown – If misery feels familiar, getting help out of a problem might get us into a peaceful foreign environment.

11. Early relationships with Caregivers leading to mistrust, unworthiness or guilt associated with burdening others by seeking help.

Examples;

a) One seeks guidance but replies with a “yes but… ” feedback.

b) People who feel helpless and believe that their problems are unsolvable.

c) One offered financial or even advisory help starts to question the helper’s intent.

d) A woman cries out how the husband is cruel to her only to give back coverted feelings pf resentment to one who offers advise or help.

e) When attempt to give help tp another is met with Minimizing.

f) Attributing difficulties to outside forces might be a way to covertly ask for help eg; The System, a Jerk boss or bad luck. We’re expressing our helplessness without directing expressing it.

To Manage Help-Rejecting defense Mechanism; 

1. Beware of the underlying drivers may it be fears or insecurities.

2. Shift perspective on what seeking help means.

3. Try to be vulnerable by seeking out and accepting assistance from others may it be; Financial or Advisory.