Altruistic Surrender by Anna Freud.

One special type of altruism is that of altruism surrender. Here an individual lives vicariously through other’s success and especially when one believes or see themselves as handicapped to fulfill those wishes. 

The term stems from the word “Mtruistisehe Abtretimg” that was coined by Edward Bibring.

Anna Freud dedicated a whole chapter to talk about altruistic Surrender where one projects their own instinctual impulses in favor of other people. One surrenders their own instinctual wishes to an object that is better qualified to fullfil them.

In an example given;

Anna Freud reported a case where a young governess reported in her analysis that, as a child, she was possessed by two desires; To have beautiful clothes and a number of children. In her fantasies she was almost obsessionally absorbed in picturing the fulfillment of these two wishes. These desires were at once urgent and insatiable.

Her adult life however announced unassuming character and the modesty of the demands which she made on life. She was still unmarried and childless and her dressing was rather shabby and inconspicuous. She had developed in a manner opposite from the direction of her childhood wishes. The wishes were repressed and replaced in consciousness by reaction formations (unassumingness instead of ambition).

Close examinations of her life however showed how her original wishes/Impulses were affirmed in a manner which seemed scarcely possible if repression had taken place.

She still took an affectionate interest in the love life of her women friends and colleagues. She was also an enthusiastic matchmaker and many love affairs were confided to her.

Although she took no trouble about her own dress, she displayed a lively interest in her friends’ clothes. Childless herself, she was devoted to other people’s children, as was indicated by her choice of a profession. She might be said to display an unusual degree of concern about her friends’ having pretty clothes, being admired, and having children.

Her life seemingly had been emptied of interests and wishes; up to the time of her analysis that it was almost entirely uneventful. Instead of exerting herself to achieve any aims of her own, she expended all her energy in sympathizing with the experiences of people she cared for. She lived in the lives of other people, instead of having any experience of her own.

Further analysis of her infantile relations to her parents revealed that her early renunciation of instinct had resulted in the formation of an exceptionally severe superego, which made it impossible for her to gratify her own wishes.

Now she projected her prohibited instinctual impulses onto other people and identified herself with them.

She showed her sympathy with their wishes and felt that there was an extraordinarily strong bond between these people and herself. Her superego, which condemned a particular instinctual impulse when it related to her own ego, was surprisingly tolerant of it in other people. She gratified her instincts by sharing in the gratification of others, employing for this purpose the mechanisms of projection and identification.

• From the studies above we find two other defense mechanisms associated with Altruistic Surrender;

1. Projection; We project our own wishes onto others. Kind of “I don’t have them you do thingy” . Especially when having those wishes are deemed to be dangerous or selfish.

2. Identification; The individual now identifies with the Victim that through the fulfilment the recipient gets, he/she may be able to vicariously enjoy and find pleasure.

•We can also learn from the studies that altruistic Surrender has both an egoistic and Altruistic element in it. For Instance;

A perfect example is exhibited by parents who sometimes delegate to their children their projects for their own lives, in a manner at once altruistic and egoistic. It is as if they hoped through the child, whom they regard as better qualified for the purpose than themselves, to wrest from life the fulfillment of the ambitions which they themselves have failed to realize. 

In Carl Jung’s words;

“Nothing affects the lives of children more than the unlived lifes of the Parents”

Jerome Blackman, A great sage indeed, named it as “Identification with the victim” where one ignores his/her own dependency or unattainable urges and projects the needs or unacceptable wishes to a Recipient.

Another example of altruistic surrender can be found in Edmond Rostand’s play Cyrano de Bergerac where the main hero is an intelligent man who is handicapped in his wooing of women by a peculiarly ugly nose falls in love with his beautiful cousin, Roxane, but, conscious of his ugliness resigns every hope of winning her. Instead of using his formidable skill as a fencer to keep all rivals at a distance, he surrenders his own aspirations to her love in favor of a man better looking than himself. Having made this renunciation, he devotes his strength, his courage, and his brains to the service of this more fortunate lover and does all he can to help him to attain his desire. The climax of the play is a scene at night, is where the subject, Cyrano, whispers to his rival the words with which to win her.

This surrender of an instinctual wish to an object better qualified to fulfill them.