“Do you ever find yourself struggling to accept an aspect of your life or uncomfortable information despite enormous evidence that something is happening/wrong? ”
This may be Denial at play.
Denial is a defense mechanism employed when one ignores reality or the consequences of a reality to avoid anxiety or discomfort.
The Denier struggles to accept an experience or dismisses it.
It’s a “No” to a reality; ‘No this is not me’, ‘No this didn’t happen ‘, ‘No this is not true ‘ or ‘No this is not happening”
What Are Defense Mechanisms?
Defence mechanisms are unconscious strategies the mind employ to protect one from uncomfortable feelings of anxiety, guilt or shame. They protect one against threats to self and self-esteem.
Why we Use Denial;
Denial helps us ;
1. To avoid cognitive Dissonance that may arise if we allowed in info that contradicted our own beliefs.
2. Denial helps to shield us from harsh anxiety arousing external reality.
3. Denial protects us from uncomfortable truths that may lead to guilt or shame had we acknowledged them.
Signs You’re Using Denial to Defend yourself from Discomfort.
1. When you refuse to accept truth presented to you.
2. Repeatedly falling in a negative pattern without solving the problem.
3. When you try to avoid thinking about a certain aspect of your life as much as possible.
4. When you constantly blame others or external forces instead of taking responsibility.
Positive effects of Denial.
Denial isn’t entirely maladaptive for it can enable us to adjust by giving us time to come to terms and adapt with a Harsher Reality.
Negative effects of Denial.
Denial may keep us from Change that would otherwise be possible had we acknowledged the ‘harsher truth’
When we refuse to acknowledge a Shortcoming or Reality about ourselves, we find it hard to accept help from us.
Denial And Other Defense Mechanism.
Denial as a defense mechanism does not occur or operate in isolation. There are other defense mechanisms that enable it.
They include;
Rationalization – Where one refuses to acknowledge reality by justifying with Rational explanations.
For instance; A smoker who sees news on the dangers of smoking, rationalize by claiming all people will die.
Avoidance – One may choose to deny an aspect of reality by choosing to avoid situation that may remind or make them think about it.
For instance; An Individual avoids people or Social media profiles whose teachings highlight their flaws.
Blaming/Projection – An individual may choose to deny his own shortcomings or Mistakes by blaming others or external forces for their mistakes.
For Instance; An Individual may refuse to take blame for cheating on a spouse by shifting the blame back to her and alleging she was the cause.
Denial In Our Daily Lives.
1. James lost his mother but is yet to come to terms that indeed it happened. What james is experiencing is actually Denial which is one among the stages of grief.
2. Mary refuses to accept a Comment by her friend that she’s indeed a Bad parent to her kids. Mary is protecting herself from uncomfortable truth by denying the information about her shortcomings that may threaten her esteem.
3. Japheth hurts Nancy, but attempts by Nancy to hold Japheth accountable prove futile for the former resorts to blaming Nancy back. Japheth refuses to acknowledge his shortcomings by shifting the responsibility back to Nancy.
4. Nelly receives information that her partner is cheating on her, from her friends but denies and blame the friends for attempting to reck their marriage.
5. Abel refuses to acknowledge information that he has an alcohol problem despite enormous evidence in his lives like ; Relationship issues and detoriating health.
Repression vs Denial.
Both Repression and Denial help to alleviate pain by distorting reality but in different ways.
While Denial is more of a Conscious ‘No’ to a threat from outside, Repression is more unconcious where we automatically swallow/push the uncomfortable emotions, thoughts and memories to the unconscious mind.
Denial vs Carl Jung’s Shadow.
Jung talked about the Shadow where the rejected part of us is hidden. Acknowledging these part of us would cause us shame or guilt and so we choose to deny them. Not entirely negative for in Jung’s words it contains 90% of gold. But this is oftenly unconcious in nature. Infact the shadow is just a repressed aspect of our personalities. Information from outside that point to the negative aspect of our shadow will be met byy Vehement Denial. Ie; “This is not me”
How to Manage Denial.
Sigmund Freud once reiterated that the more we ignore reality, the harder it becomes to manage it.
Recognizing when it’s occuring -though hard can help us to manage it.
We also learn what’s trying to protect us from or what’s being avoided.
We also learn why it’s trying to protect us.
Sometimes the information we find uncomfortable might be an eye opener or helpful in the long run.
References;
1. Ann Freud (1936), The Ego and the Mechanisms of Defence.
2. Roy F. Baumeister, Karen Dale, and Kristin L. Sommer (1998). Freudian Defense Mechanisms and Empirical Findings in Modern Social Psychology: Reaction Formation, Projection, Displacement, Undoing, Isolation, Sublimation, and Denial.
3. Sigmund Freud (1923), The Ego and the Id.
4. Sigmund Freud (1894), The Neuro-Psychoses of Defence. Standard Edition, 3:45-61