Some of us grew up with a harsh inner voice that kept hissing in the back. It was so persistent that it would make some of us feel less more than we are. The Constant negative self-talk, second-guessing, or harsh self-judgment. We hear it anytime, everytime we want to make a big decision.
That voice or part of us that harshly judges us for something we had thought , felt or done.
The mental chatter that ruminates and run in our mind everytime telling you “you’re not enough” and the inner voice that shames you when you dare dream big.
Many take this voice to be of their own but it’s not for it was modeled by someone else… Someone else. It just an echo of internalized voices.
Introjection is one of the ego defense mechanisms we had earlier discussed where we unconsciously take in our parents, teachers and societal voices, attitudes and beliefs. And when we identify with these voices and beliefs;
What came as a judgement from external becomes an inner judge…
What aroused from the external environment as criticism become an eternal critic from within.
It just mimics past fears and learned judgements like ; “You’re lazy” , “You’re dramatic” , “You’re a failure”, “You’re never enough”, “Don’t feel” , “You always want too much” , “You shouldn’t take up space” “You’re an idiot”
It’s not cruel but just a little scared child.
So what are the Signs of an Inner Critic;
1. When you make yourself smaller.. always smaller than others.
2. When you always have a negative self talk eg; “Bad things always happen to me.”, “I am a failure”
3. When you always replay past mistakes long after they happened. The inner critic reprimands you for what you did.
4. When you achieve but still feel dissatisfied or not enough.
5. When cautionary measures pops up when you’re about to do something eg; “You can’t do this” etc
What are the Byproducts of Inner Critic?
By the law of causation, we say every cause has an effect and every effect has a cause;
1. Low self-esteem
2. Lack of Motivation
3. Inability to stop working/finding/searching etc
4. Imposter Syndrome – Success feels like a threat.
5. Having a Chronic anxiety.
6. Low self confidence.
7 difficulty in Accepting love/Praises.
And What’s the Role of the inner critic?
One sage named, Paul Gilbert in his work The compassionate work claimed that much of our criticism arise because our brains evolved to detect threats and not ensure happiness.
So here we shall admit that the main role pf the inner critic is to protect us from perceived pain whether it’s judgement, rejection, criticism, embarrassment, disappointment or humiliation.
It’s a learned safety response or what the Internal Family systems (IFS) call an internal protector rule that mimics the voice in an attempt to keep us safe.
At least we won’t expose ourselves to much harsher perceived criticism if it does the criticism before we do.
How to Manage the Inner Critic;
1. Acknowledge your Inner Critic
Being aware that these harsh thoughts do not come from you and are not a reflection of your worth but more to do with the unresolved issues and internal pain our caretakers struggled with is the first step to taking away the power it has over us, our decisions and exponentially our decisions.
2. Practice Self Compassion.
If criticizing ourselves for years hasn’t worked, why don’t we try to approve ourselves and see what will happen.
Be kind to it, observe it without judgement and replace shame with self- compassion.
3. Approach it from a Point of curiosity not contempt with an aim to understand what it’s trying to protect you from.
4. Reparent the younger version of you by becoming an inner coach and when it’s scared tell it; “I hear you now but we’re going to do it different now”