Most coaches in the self-help industry preach about the ego death and cite the ego as a villain.
That the ego is our enemy… We need to kill it, silence it, transcend it or whatever they say!
The ego is often misunderstood and has really gotten a bad rap in the modern world.
And if I may ask! What’s your definition of the ego?
We had previously made a post about the different definitions of the ego. But just in summary;
People in the street talk see the ego as an over-inflated sense of self, sigmund freud saw it as a rational part of our mind that mediates between our instinctual desires from the id like thirst, hunger, sex and aggression, the moral constraints of the superego, and the reality presented by the external world .
Spiritually, the ego is viewed as an illusion or a false sense of self constructed from past societal conditioning and expectations obscuring one’s true nature where as Carl jung saw the ego as a sense of identity we accumulate after external conditioning.
Individual Psychologists like Alfred Adler viewed the ego as part of us that strives for superiority over others while Modern contemporary psychology refers it to a person’s sense of self-esteem, self-importance, and self-worth.
Western philosophy which probably Ryan Holiday with his the ego is the enemy vouches for see the ego as an entity of Certainty and self righteousness while the Buddhists refer to the ego as the Monkey mind- the restless, easily distracted, and constantly chattering nature of the mind.
All these definition can be summed to common denominators;
1. The ego is a Protector – protector of identity, beliefs and personalities. It protects us from pain… Whether perceived or real.
2. The ego is a mediator – mediator between our internal world and external world.
Mediator between the conscious and subconscious mind.
Mediator between what we learnt in the past and presence obligations.
Mediator between what happened in the past and what is yet to happen.
3. It’s not protecting who we are- it’s just protecting who we thought we were. Who were taught we were.
4. It’s trying to protect us based on what it learned from our past.
So this means, the ego is not an enemy but a senior brother that chose to protect us from incidences we considered as painful. It made a vow to protect us from future pain and that’s what it’s doing even in cases that are no longer threats.
Sadly many spiritual teachings now preach ego death. The idea that awakening means dissolving the ego entirely.
Will you hate such a brother who things is protecting you even if not.
Will you kill him?
Will you dissolve him?
And what will your life be without such a brother ?
So the path isn’t about elimination or hating but about integration and relearning.
Reframing the stories it had been taught as true and unburying the hidden aspects it had been asked to hide.
And when the ego tries to resist, of which it always does, try to observe it with compassion without judgement; Or say: “I see you. You’re safe now.”
The goal is befriending the ego not criticizing it! Free it from the guilt and shame it feels when uncovering what it has been taught to hide.
And time your ego shows up in insecurity, in anger or in pride… don’t attack it or shame it. Ask it what it needs.
Because it’s not the enemy.
We don’t need to kill the ego,, we can’t survive without an ego what we need is a healthy Ego.
If we have to insist on the idea of making the ego a Satan then I’m ready to go to hell for this.
